Tuesday, May 26, 2009

i DON'T WANT TO BE THE GROWN UP ANYMORE

Have you ever just wanted to release the ties of adulthood, parenthood, responsibility and just be a kid again. That's the way I feel right now. I'm always told by my family that I'm the one that holds the family together, they could never survive without me but seriously sometimes I don't want it anymore. Keeping tabs on everyone's agenda, laundry, finances, personal errands and such wears me down. We were out at the cottage/farm on the weekend. Absolutely beautiful for a change. Angela and I went to the local greenhouse and bought flowers. Spent the day playing in the dirt. Just loved it. Then on Sunday we went for the most amazing ride. Found a whole new set of forested trails. When I'm out riding, I forget about everything else and it's just me and my horse. My daughter is living out there so I wanted to spend some time with her this week, but was told that I had too much to do at home and I need to keep a better watch on my youngest daughter until she finished school for the summer. Deep down I'm sure my husband was thinking more of his lack of ability to arrange meals, look after things etc. I was feeling abit down yesterday and my good friend Sherry said I should do something for me, like take my dog for a walk and go to the local book store/coffe shop. Didn't do that but I did go plant shopping again. I love flowers and playing in the dirt so I spent the whole day making up planters. I was initially just going to get a hanging basket for my dear elederly neighbour who turned 84, but decided to buy enough to brighten up my deck too. We've been neighbours for 27 years. She is my surrogate mother now. It was getting dark by the time I was done. Nobody said a word to me just let me do my thing. I'm feeling better today. Just might go get my hair cut. I love my husband and my children and my life in general but sometimes I just need more "ME" time and I'm going to start saying "NO" more often and doing things for me. There's got to be a happy median somewhere. Just got to find it. No pictures this time, just words.

5 comments:

GoLightly said...

Hear, hear!!

Great words, grey mare.

You are important too.

I know EXACTLY what you mean, but being all things to all people is exhausting.

You gotta take care of you, too.

How great you had a wonderful trail ride!

Hey, my campfire hadn't even gone OUT yet!
Kudos for your kindness to your dear friend and neighbour. Gosh, I miss my old favourite neighbour, Mrs. Small...

Yay for words from Grey Mare!

(adds kindling, warms hands, it's cold today in Toronto..)

CharlesCityCat said...

Greymare:

Good for you, it is a give and take situation, but it isn't all about you being the one to do all of the giving.

We all need to take time to "smell the roses."

I spend at least 40 hours a week at my job with people coming at me constantly for this and that. Usually, by the end of the week, I am so drained, I can barely think, so I know where you are coming from.

Glad you got to enjoy some "me" time, everyone deserves that.

fernvalley01 said...

Hey Deb , good that you did the flowers thing , but the coofee shop /bookstore awaits. Don't make me come in there and drag you off to it.(lol)
Had a great visit with the kid last night. C. will be OK you have
done a wonderful job with all your kids and she is still there with you (not mariied to a biker named spike)
Great post by the way , I think we all hit a wall sometimes with the be all and end all to everyone complex . responsibility and accountability, can feel very overrated!

fernvalley01 said...

If all else fails , my house Saturday , wine , be there!

greymare said...

Hey FV you got it. wine at your house. The coffee shop is still on my radar. ange is suppose to be one day other than a Friday and we are going to go together. maybe even take Cara, her and I one and one if I ever see her.